blank
08-07-2002



we're huddled under this blanket tonight
i can feel you are really close to me
my heart won't slow down
i'm a nervous wreck
can you tell?

...

don't even look at me with your eyes.
if i look into them now i might have to do something about it
i keep playing over and over in my mind leaning in to kiss you
i just can't, i know you must have loyalties that take precedence
i don't want to leave feeling like a bigger fool than i already do

...

every time you brush against me my heart jumps a little
i want to look over at you but i'm afraid of that ananymous uninterested face again
how can i like someone who can't look me in the eyes?
why can't i tell you what i'm really thinking about?

...

i hate being the friend.
i hate hearing about all the other friends.
why do you keep me around?
why do i keep doing this to myself?

...

i need courage to take initiative now
who am i kidding, i'm only courageous when it comes to the faceless
this is real, this is happening, you are here, and i am not dreaming.
another silent response to my probing glances
i do not heart this empty feeling.