I love waffles. Don't you?

I have some thoughts on waffles. One would be their superiority to pancakes. Another would be the ways they can be eaten.

Waffles are far superior to pancakes. This is not a new concept. Mitch Hedberg said it, and now I'm saying it. They come pre-made. You toast them for a couple minutes, and BAM! Waffles. Not with pancakes, my friend. Pancakes require mix and preparation and making something dirty and watching them and flipping them and if you're not good at any of this, your pancakes will not be any good. If you do happen to buy some pre-made pancakes as part of some frozen breakfast package, they most likely will be rubbery and non-porous [porosity is necessary for proper syrup consumption]. Waffles come with built-in syrup bowls!! They are able to contain the syrup until it is absorbed into the waffle material. One more thing; don't you get sick of pancakes before you have finished them? I do. Do they even sell them in restaurants in quantities less than three? Maybe in some land of pancake utopia, but definitely not anywhere I've been in the last decade. If there's one thing I'm sure of when I have waffles, it's that I could always have more. There're no leftovers, there's none to be thrown out, and there's more in the freezer if I am still hungry.

So I love waffles. For years and years I have always eaten waffles with syrup. For maximum syrup coverage, I've found it best to put syrup in each of the indentations. It's easiest to do this with squeeze bottles. Aren't squeeze bottles all the rage now? Even jelly comes in squeeze bottles. Recently, I have been forced to change my method of syrup distribution. A certain lady, we'll call her Mrs. Dairyproductworth, sells syrup in the worst packaging ever: in her likeness! What, is she some god of syrups?? Most definitely not. It's NOT EVEN SQUEEZEBLE!! All I can do is pour it out of this giant hole in her head and hope I don't spill it everywhere, because I'll be damned if I don't put enough syrup on, over-coverage is the only way to be sure. The product itself is lacking in maple flavor. And what the hell is maple flavor made of?? I've had the real stuff, and these "flavors" are a mockery of the name maple.

As per how I eat waffles, it's been customary to cut along the lines in order to keep the syrup contained as long as possible. Well with this horror of a bottle of syrup I have now, the syrup goes everywhere and so I just pour it on in one big blob, then use a fork to spread it around, rarely reaching every unit. So I've been forced to give up the obsessive-compulsive cutting of squares and have been making due with the side of a fork, lopping off a triangular wedge and wiping up some syrup that has no doubt spilled all over the plate. It's a real tragedy.

I LOVE WAFFLES!